Letter of self compassion

Letter of self-compassion

The evidence confirms that practising self-compassion reduces stress, anxiety and depression.

Courtesy of compassion expert, Dr Kelly McGonigal, this simple yet powerful practice is a great self-kindness exercise when you're having a tough time.

This self-compassion exercise has been shown to provide increases in happiness. When study participants wrote a self-compassionate letter to themselves for seven days in a row, they still experienced increased happiness six months later, when compared to a control group.¹

How to write this letter

Gift yourself some quiet time to write a mindful letter to yourself following these instructions. You may want to do this exercise after a mindfulness practice.

No one else will read this letter - it’s for your eyes only. After writing the letter, consider reading it out loud to yourself, or putting it away for some time and rereading later.

The intention

To shift your mindset from self-criticism to self-compassion and kindness. This process helps to tame the inner critic and supports you to meet challenging experiences honestly and back yourself.

The topic

Reflect on one dimension of your life or an experience that has been difficult or feels unresolved. Perhaps a setback or a disappointment. Write about both the stress/suffering and the core need underneath it: a desire for health, safety, love, appreciation, connection, achievement, etc. We suggest that you don’t pick something that is too distressing for you.

The technique

Please write to yourself in the second person and follow this three-part structure to craft your letter:

01. What is going on for me

Describe as honestly as you can all your feelings, emotions and reactions linked to the situation. There's no need to go into detail about the situation itself, focus more on identifying and acknowledging your inner experience and responses.

02. Connect with common humanity

Now connect your experience to other people who have shared similar experiences. Realise that you're not alone and that many people around the world will be having similar feelings/ worries/ experiences. Your experience is real but it doesn't mean that you're fatally flawed, rather it means that you're very human.

03. Mentor yourself

Now offer yourself some advice, wisdom and insights. It's helpful to imagine that you're an older version of yourself (say 5/10 years older) reflecting back on this moment.

What would you say to someone you loved in this situation? Someone you had faith in and wanted the best for? Share that compassionate feedback with yourself.

For example:

Dear <insert your name>, I can see that you’re feeling <insert feelings> right now about <insert situation briefly>. Just remember, <connect with common humanity> and that <mentor yourself>.

Sincerely/Much love

Expert insights

For further insights on how to build self-compassionate you may like to listen to our podcasts with leading experts on the science of self-compassion and behaviour change, Dr Kelly McGonigal and Dr Rick Hanson.

Proven hacks to embed good habits

Stanford neuroscience expert, health psychologist and lecturer, Dr Kelly McGonigal, explains how to harness willpower and self-compassion to make better choices.

Listen to podcast

Rebalance the brain's negativity bias

Psychologist and New York Times best-selling author, Dr Rick Hanson, decodes the science of positive neuroplasticity and explains how to reshape our brain and grow our inner resources.

Listen to podcast

Learn about our Elevating Executive Presence program

^Source:

^{Shapira, Leah B. et al (The Journal of Positive Psychology 2010) The benefits of self-compassion and optimism exercises for individuals vulnerable to depression}